i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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