Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
