Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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