loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
