hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
