Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
