I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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