My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
