I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
