Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
