I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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