okay pat passed out under dana's car
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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