You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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