I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
