dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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