please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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