Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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