my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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