No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
