you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
