im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
