fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
