Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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