I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
