This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
