help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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