I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
