I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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