I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
