awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
