Plan B is the new Plan A
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
