i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
