this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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