dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys donβt want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
