I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love having hate sex.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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