I wish I could punch you in the face.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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