i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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