I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
