He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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