im drinking this country out of the recession.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
