As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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