i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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