he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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