Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
