I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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