I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
