so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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