her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
