My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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