Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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