there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
