I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm too high and old for this...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
