okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I AM VODKA MAN
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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