She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
