so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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