hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
