Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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